I knew my relationship with money had to change. Every time I needed something, I had to go through my parents. I remember as a child and being hands and knees begging for this toy only to be met with “it’s too expensive” every time. I can visualize so clearly the pain in my dad’s face pulling out his wallet and hesitantly hand out a bill. He really didn’t want to spend money.
I learned not to want to, too. At first, it began as thrifty creativity such as cutting out the used pages of a notebook to use the rest of the notebook, but then… whenever I’m buying for needs. I can’t help but feel SHAME spending money. The shame is so huge, I pinch my pennies so tightly, I end up buying the smallest size of shampoo, the cheapest meal I could get. I recently discovered the magic of essential oils and found a good local brand that sold the oils I wanted. I avoided looking at the checkout price, breathing in and exhaling out as reassurance that this is a good investment. I’m investing on my health. It’s not like I’m buying drugs, right? I was able to checkout $$ of oils feeling quite content.
Then, I saw my receipt emailed to me, saw the $$ staring back at me. The $$ I will never get back. I felt shame and regret. I could have had $$ sitting pretty and unspent in my credit card. Why’d I have to spend on myself?
You may be looking at my story and shaking your head. Or, perhaps this uncannily sounds like yourself when spending money. It’s this feeling of dread, shame, and bargaining.
The reason I (and maybe, you, too) may be feeling this way is because of the programming in your childhood. If you grew up in a family with financial troubles, it can haunt you as you grow up. You feel like you WANT to experience the goodness and richness that life has to offer you! You WANT to go on that cruise, attend that concert, eat healthy food, and do some shopping, but spending so much money leaves you with this feeling of doom. It’s that bad and debilitating. You missed out on many life experiences that way. Plus, it’s not good for the heart. Feeling this intense anxiety of spending money is driving me CRAZY. It’s like you want to say, “Ooops! Nevermind! Take it back! I don’t really need it, I just want my money back now!”
Isn’t it that money is the currency of exchange? We gain some, we spend some.
The fear behind it is lack. Not getting what you wanted. Not having enough.
This is no longer my parent’s fault. I’m not a child anymore. I know that this anxiety and dread is now under my control.
I’m willing to change it. I don’t want to feel like money is not there for me. I want to feel blessed by money. I want to feel like spending money is not a shotgun to my chest. I want to feel liberated by both spending and earning money.
I know worrying about it, crying about it, getting angry about it is no longer productive. I already got my answer from my venting: I feel money is lacking.
Now that I know that, I can change it.
I’m coming back to my Money Reiki. I’m doing my 21-day financial healing book. I’ve been given insight from the Universe about how I can make my work as an Intuitive Coach profitable and inspiring. I’ve got everything.
You do too. Have you had enough yet? That’s how you get better. When you decide, I’M NOT HAPPY WITH THIS ANYMORE. I WILL NO LONGER TOLERATE IT SO I’M CHANGING.
You go, you.
♥ What’s something that’s for a long time has made you feel restless? If you feel a general restlessness, just keep talking or writing. Just get whatever fuzzy thoughts and abstract things come out to the surface. That’s how you find treasure!
♥ Ok, this is going to trigger you but I’m going to say it: You can make choices to heal. Is your situation something that has to do with how you’re perceiving things? Is your situation something you can act on directly but don’t want to handle it directly? Whatever it is, you can make choices and that is your power. Whether it’s to do something about the thing, ask for help and counseling, get a reading from your’s truly ( 😉 ), detach and perceive things differently, you’ve got choices, babe. How’s life gonna change without you?
♥ Answer the prompt “If I wasn’t scared I will…” / “If I had no limits I will…” with as many as you can. Go big! So you’ve got more choices when the other fails.
I know I can make the choice to live my life better.
I ask for the willingness to tackle my problems with grace.
Even though this is uncomfortable, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.
Angel Life Coach Therese Castro
“#PsychicReadings meet #LifeCoaching to Conquer Life’s Mountains”
Tags: #positivepsychology #personaldevelopment #selfhelp
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